Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
