Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
