is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
