I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
