its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
