he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
