You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
