you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
