She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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