Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
