yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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