Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
