he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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