he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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