All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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