We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
