This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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