i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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