I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
