Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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