When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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