me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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