Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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