I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
