Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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