Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
