There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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