You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
