Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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