Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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