I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
