a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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