Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
