I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
