Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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