Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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