can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
