So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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