im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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