He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
