He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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