Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
