He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
