Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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