you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
