And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
