We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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