I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
