so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
