Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
