just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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