it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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