I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
