I cannot find my penis.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
