I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
