Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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