if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
