I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
