When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
