i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
