Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
