omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize