So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize