his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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