i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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