Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
