He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
