I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
soo... how was my night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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