I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
