i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
