Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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