Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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