it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize