Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can I color on your dick again?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
