you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
