Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
