i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
