No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize