He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
