i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize