no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
