Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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