I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
