I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
